There was an Old Man with a beard
Who said, "It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!"

There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its color and size,
So bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.

A wonderful bird is the pelican,

His bill holds more than his belican.

He can take in his beak,

Enough food for a week,

But I'm damned if I see how the helican.

A man hired by John Smith and Co.

Loudly declared that he'd tho.

Men that he saw

Dumping dirt near his door

The drivers, therefore, didn't do.

There was a young lady of station

"I love man" was her sole exclamation

But when men cried, "You flatter"

She replied, "Oh! no matter!

Isle of Man is the true explanation.

There was an old drunkard of Devon,
Who died and ascended to Heaven;
But he cried: 'This is Hades-
There are no naughty ladies,
And the pubs are all shut by eleven.

There was a young lady of Lynn,
Who was so uncommonly thin
That when she essayed
To drink lemonade
She slipped through the straw and fell in.

Relentless, insatiable deadlines!
This manuscript's still full of red lines.
First I'll sweat through the edits
and check all the credits
then chill with my favorite red wine

There was a young lady of Nice,
Who insisted on bathing in grease.
She slid through the house
Tormenting her spouse
Til he hid in the oven for peace.