"Believe in yourself." I have heard those words countless times, each time more haunting than the last. I believed in myself when I entered the Arabic competition, I believed in myself when I memorized 3 Surat, and I believed in myself when I turned page after page of my spelling words for my spelling bee. 

Did it work?

No. 

When I believed in myself, I expected something great from me. I believed that I would tackle whatever came ahead of my path. 

I lost the Arabic competition by a hair.

I lost the Quran competition because my Tashkeel was wrong.

I absolutely FLUNKED the English Spelling Bee.

And Every, SINGLE time; I cried.

I would shed tear after tear, beating myself up over everything I've practiced just to see it gone in a moment. Why did it hurt so much? Because I believed in myself. Believing in yourself is for gifted people. It's because when they believe in their capabilities, they can RELY on their capabilities. And when they win, their ego and self-confidence only get higher. Do you want to believe in yourself? Go ahead. It's not bad, no. Believe in yourself. Go higher, reach for the sky, win what you want. But what happens when you lose? 

I have the answer for that. It's pain. It's sorrow. It's a bundle of whatever confidence you had thrown into the trash. 

"So what do I do if not believe in what I can do?"