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Little Miss Kristine was tired of shopping -

All day on her feet she'd been merrily hopping

From boutique to salon, from one to the other,

While asking for THIS and for THAT from her Mother...

"I want to have this and I want to have that!

These shoes that I bought will look nice with that hat.

My open-toed sandals are just, SOOO passé!

If I wear them to school, what WILL the girls say?

I need: a new skirt, and a dress, and a jacket,

For tennis, new trainers to match my new racket,

New t-shirt. New blouse. A new Fendi bag -

The one on display, with a WHOPPING price tag!"

Little Miss Kristine's Mommy was proud -

She too always spent to the limit allowed

On the gold credit card, which her husband had given -

She KNEW her excesses would soon be forgiven.

Little Miss Kristine was a chip off the block.

If she could shop, she would shop and right round the clock!

Three-sixty a year and twenty-four-seven,

Impressive for someone who just turned eleven...

But hardly a coup, when ALL posh Mommies coo

Into Porsche baby prams: "Gucci-goo, Gucci-goo."

No wonder that Kristine's first words to her nanny

Were: "Pla-da, Ga-ba-na, Lac-wa" and "A-ma-ni!"

"Moschino? Versace? Where shall we go next?"

"That's enough for today, you maxed-out the AmEx.

Any more shopping must wait till tomorrow,

There's plenty more money that Daddy can borrow."

On hearing the news Kristine drew a deep sigh:

"But there's SOOO much more that I wanted to buy.

Sooo many shoes that I kept a keen eye on,

Sooo many dresses I wanted to try on."

But Mommy had already summoned assistants,

Who replied to her call in no more than an instance.

In a blink of an eye they were all in position,

Eager to please (as they worked for commission).

They loaded their bags in the big four-by-four.

They filled up the boot and they covered the floor,

Till there was no space left, no place left to pack,

So they piled even more bags above the ski-rack.

And off home they drove - Mother and Daughter

Hydrating themselves with Evian water;

Mom at the wheel of her new Chelsea Tractor,

Miss Mary behind her, poised to distract her...

With pertinent problems like: "How can one tell

Between bags that are bootleg and REAL Chanel?"

Or questions like: "Mom why don't WE have a butler?"

And other BIG issues from Vogue and from Tatler.

The traffic, amazingly, wasn't too bad.

They arrived in no-time at their posh Mayfair pad;

A GORGEOUS, split-level, detached pied-à-terre

Where Little Miss Kristine lived with-out a care.

And that's where we find her - tired from shopping,

Exhausted from all of that running and hopping

From salon to boutique with Mom as her caddie,

Buying up Bond Street and all on her Daddy...

Who works all day long, all night long in the City

As Chair Of The Board and as Head Of Committees;

Earning big bucks so that she can look pretty -

NO EXPENSE SPARED on his "Sweet Little Kitty".

Little Miss Kristine made her Daddy proud

By jumping in queues and by pushing through crowds,

By spending his money in ALL sorts of places

From Moscow to Paris, from Harrods to Macy's.

Kristine would COME, she would SEE, she would BUY!

From Cannes to Hong Kong, from Milan to Dubai.

If there was a contest, then she would be crowned:

"The world's greatest shopper!" (pound for pound).

But now she was tired and lay on her bed.

Musing if this season's black would be red.

Mulling the fate of poor fabric exporters

If all the designers cut skirts by three-quarters.

She put on her eye-mask and drifted to sleep;

Counting sheep, after sheep, after sheep, after sheep,

But all the while thinking: "How it would be better

To use all their wool for a Burberry sweater."

Soon Little Miss Kristine was out like a light,

But she didn't sleep long and woke up with a fright!

She opened her eyes and was very surprised

When a huge, hairy Monster... MATERIALIZED!

The Monster yelled "BOO!" to give Kristine a scare,

But Kristine just fixed the great Beast with a stare.

She looked up and down from his toes to his hair

With total disdain while the Monster stood there.

"Why!" asked the Monster "You show me no fear!?"

"Have you looked in the mirror? You're just SOOO last 

year!

Your tail isn't bad, but is there a reason...

For sporting those horns, which are just SOOO last season?

The Monster was stunned. At a loss what to say.

His prey wasn't screaming or running away!

He wasn't accustomed to such a response,

He was used to HYSTERICS not pert nonchalance.

But Kristine stayed poised as a lady should be,

She displayed no attempt or desire to flee.

She turned on the light so that he could see clearer

And showed the big Monster his FACE in the mirror.

He gawked for a while at his wretched reflection

He winced at his wrinkled and withered complexion.

"My skin feels like leather, I have crusty eyes!"

"What did you expect when you don't moisturize?"

"My nails are all broken! My teeth are all yellow!

My fur is in clumps!" He let out a BELLOW!

"My horns are askew and my coat is molting."

He started to sob... "I am... truly... revolting!"

"Come on now don't cry." Said Little Miss Kristine.

"You DO have a choice, you don't HAVE to be scary!

Behind that snarl and that piercing stare,

You're just a big softy - a HUGE teddy-bear!"

But the big hairy Monster was not quite as certain -

Embarrassed he wrapped himself up in a curtain

And told Little Kristine that with-out a doubt,

He's a HIDEOUS creature and he'll NEVER come out.

Miss Kristine agreed: "You are ugly for sure,

But it's something you really don't have to endure.

So you haven't been blessed with the best of genetics;

Who needs Mother Nature, when we have cosmetics!?

For each of your problems you'll find there's a cure

From a deep cleansing facial to a French pedicure.

To NUMEROUS methods for rogue hair removal

So what do you say? Do I have your approval?

Would you like to be pampered and fashioned and styled?

MADE-OVER BY Kristine?" - The big Monster smiled.

"I can tell from that smile that it's been quite a while

Since you've seen a toothbrush, or have used a nail-file.

And I sense from your stench, or at least I presume,

That you're also a stranger to soap and perfume."

While Little Miss Kristine stood pinching her nose

The big Monster blushed from his head to his toes.

"Don't worry" said   "We'll give you a shower

We'll soak you and clean you, we'll scrub and we'll scour.

We'll cleanse and we'll tone, we'll wax and we'll pluck,

We'll snip and we'll peel, we'll nip and we'll tuck!

If you want to look pretty you're on the right path.

Lets start with the basics... You're having a bath!"

She dragged the big Monster inside her en-suite

Full of lotions and potions all fragrant and sweet,

Full of loofahs and sponges to rub and to scrub

And rose scented candles lit round the tub.

Once there the Monster forgot ALL his troubles

In bath salts and oils and white, fluffy bubbles.

And as he relaxed, Kristine started her mission;

She began by shampooing and then she conditioned...

She used tinted toners, tonics and creams,

She applied elbow grease (as weird as it seems)

Because THAT, for Miss Kristine, was EX-tremely rare.

After all, she was heir to a millionaire.

She rolled up her sleeves and got stuck in her task.

She smeared on a Dead Sea, firming face masque.

She lathered and foamed, she combed and untangled,

Till the Monster emerged spick-n-span and newfangled!

"Well there you go, you no longer smell foul."

Said Little Miss Kristine, handing over a towel.

"And now for the fun part, lets start from the top

To be brutally honest your hair is a MOP!

I have to be frank - I am not even sure

Of how to approach this kind of coiffure.

Maybe a fringe? Or a crop? Or a bob?

Or perhaps a French Plait will do just the job?

Whatever we do you will first have to swear;

In future you'll take better care of your hair.

How on EARTH did you ever expect to make friends

With split-ends that have their OWN split-ends?"

The Monster's face faded by at least several shades

Once he spotted the glint of the sharp scissor blades.

Frightened, he opted to keep his eyes shut

And chewed on his nails, through his first haircut.

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