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You probably know the story of Snow White. Ya’ know, the 

one with the 7 midgets, the clueless princess, and blah, blah, 

blah, hocus pocus, happy ending, right? But do you know the 

real story? It’s possible that after a few hundred years the 

story was jumbled up, or maybe they just didn't like the real 

story and wanted to change it. Either way, I’m going to tell you 

what really happened. Once upon a time, there was a girl with 

skin as white as snow, so they started calling her Snow White 

(real creative). She was obviously a princess just like in every 

other fairy tale and for some unknown reason, something bad 

always happens to them (good job, knights in shining armor). 

Unlike most fairy tales, though, her mother, the Queen (named 

Queen), was actually pretty nice, even though she dabbled in 

black magic (of course).

Now Snow wasn’t a very smart girl, so she went out into the 

woods very often (kind of dangerous, don’t you think?). One 

day, when she was out in the woods, she met a midget who 

asked her to come with him (again, WHERE ARE THE 

KNIGHTS IN SHINING ARMOR). There was actually only 1 

midget but he had multiple personality disorder, so he kept 

swapping between personalities and their names were 

Depressed, Crazy, Funky, Hungry (he tried to make the 

midget really fat) Muscley, (he was always fighting with 

Hungry and tried to stay strong) Smarty, and Dummy. 

Snow just thought that the midget was taking her back to the 

castle (which was stupid because the castle was in THE 

OTHER DIRECTION) so she kept following him. “He’s just an 

odd fellow.” she thought to herself. Even though every so often 

he would hit himself in the face and say, “STAY IN THERE!!!” 

but then keep walking like nothing ever happened (because 

that’s not weird at all). She quickly realized what was going on 

when he put a blindfold over her eyes and bound her hands (a 

little bit late, don’t ya’ think). He was planning on selling her to 

a dragon, go figure.

When the Queen found this out using her magic 

mirror, she hired a very good mercenary 

(named Mercenary). She told him “Please, take 

care of her.” in a pleading voice. “Take care of 

her…”, the mercenary repeated, “okay.” So 

with a wink he set off on his journey (next time 

Queen, watch your wording. I don’t think he 

knows what you mean).

When the midget finally took off her blindfold, 

she was tied up in a small room made out of 

wood and stone. The midget sat in the corner, 

looking very sad. She then yelled at him, ¨LET 

ME GO!¨ (not a smart thing to say given your 

current situation) But he just stayed there until 

a knock came to the door. When the midget 

dragged himself over to the door and opened it.

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