Most People know the fake story of Humpty Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Blah Blah blah. He fell and cracked open. The king’s men could couldn’t fix him. THIS IS BOOOOOOOOOORING!! Nobody knows how it really went. No one but me.

GET DOWN SIR! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!

Here is the REAL story.

Humpty Dumpty was sitting on a wall, but somebody must have noticed an egg sitting atop a random wall. So a swa came a slowly asked him to come down. He had to pay a fine of $200 for soliciting private property.

They gave him a lecture on safety, but they thought he had already learned his lesson so they made him the King of Safety. He went around bossing people around. He texted everyone to tell them where they could sit and where they could not go.