Have you ever seen a man climbing a wall
Up the side of a building that is decidedly tall?
Who despite gravity trying is declining to fall
One can only imagine the flipping size of his balls
Well that's me known as Spiderman or Spidey
And I'm called Peter Parker really though I should be Peter Parkour
Leaping through the dark gloomy city coming at you
Weaving over roofs like a traditional thatcher
So no matter your stance or your status or statue
You, bad guys, are flies and I'm going to catch you
This one's for Gwen and uncle Ben, dedicated to Aunt May
I'm the man you dress up as when you're too lazy to cosplay

Spider-man, Spider-man
Does whatever a spider can (hey)
Spider-man, Spider-man
He's not a mutant, it's an overactive thyroid gland (wo)
Spider-man, Spider-man
I'm delivering this line from my diaphragm (hey)
Spider-man, Spider-man
If you still don't get it - here's a diagram (ey)

I'm Iron Man but without the massive salary
I'm Bruce Wayne if he had a loving family
I'm Bruce Banner but without being ripped or angry
I'm the Black Panther but without much of a tan on me
I'm the Flash if he hadn't even ran at speed
I'm Jean Grey but with a double a cup mammary
I'm Deadpool if he lacked a personality
I'm James Gunn without directing Guardians of the Galaxy-oh
I'll just pop out for a vertical jog
Where buildings penetrate the sky like a cervical swab
I started at the bottom now I'm traversing atop
A massive phallic symbol as if it's my personal knob
Err, you'll have to take my word for it, but I'm this handsome

Definitely not a virgin
My dick Branson
Oh sorry, I just went off on a big tangent
But now I'm trapping you in the web like Chris Hansen