🎄MERRY CHRISTMAS🎄

12/25/2020

No, I got them all cut!

Because then it would be a foot!

I didn't know it was on fire!

Because of all of my problems!

NINJA KICK

That's me! I won the 'no-bell' prize! 

----------BOOGERS

DUH!!!

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender

Hey!

Sure.

Of course! The Empire State Building can't jump!

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the empire state building?

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

I'M HIS WIFE BY THE WAY AND HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY SENSE OF DIRECTION!!!

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?

Because we are so shell-fish!

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef Jerky!

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.  Now I'm in jail.

What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.

Why did the tomato turn bright red?

Because he saw the ranch dressing.

Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!

What is a pirates favorite letter? 

You  might think it is 'R', but it is actually 'C'!

What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!

Hey! That was my line!

I dreamt about drowning in an ocean made of orange soda. It took me a minute to realize it was just Fanta-sea.

My printer’s name is Bob Marley because it’s always Jammin’.

THAT'S MY GUITAR!!!

What’s Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.

Help! Somebody call me an ambulance!

You're an ambulance!

A midget walks into a bar and says to the bartender.

Can I pay you next week, I'm a little short!

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.

How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

*wheeze*  By how much I am coffin?  *cough*

Why did the baby Jalapeno put on a sweater?

Because I was gettin' chili!  ~BRRRR!~

I combined all my wristwatches together to make a belt!

What a waist of time!

  Because my horns don't work!

*pfft*

Why do cows wear a bell?

Yesterday, I ate a clock.  It was very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?  Because he Neverlands.