“Hey, it’s your pal Dan here. To avoid any confusion in my latest story, Santa Claus also goes by the names Kris Kringle and Saint Nick (Nicholas). I refer to him as Kringle, which he uses in his private life (when he’s not on duty so to speak).  The public knows him only as Santa Claus and so that’s what they call him. Enjoy the story.”

“So Mrs. Kringle what are our plans for tonight?”

“I’ve got some cookies baking in the oven. I was thinking we could enjoy them with a hot cup of cocoa.”

“Sounds like the perfect evening in The North Pole. I’ll turn on the TV and see if I can find something for us to watch.”

Kris Kringle, AKA Santa Claus, was enjoying his downtime following another crazy Christmas season. He had the rest of the year to spend time with family and friends before he would start work again on the next holiday season.

“Deck the halls! What is this?” he exclaimed.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you a message from Santa Claus:

“This is Santa Claus. I’m here to announce that I’m not going to be delivering presents anymore. Every year you little brats keep sending me millions of letters asking for this and that. Well no more! The days of me sliding down the chimney and putting presents under the tree are over. Don’t like it? Too bad. It seems like everybody gets what they want except for me. Christmas is cancelled forever. Ho! Ho! Ho! Now buzz off!” 

Soon the Kringles were being bombarded with phone calls and texts. Every channel on TV was talking about Santa’s shocking announcement.

“What are you going to do Kris?” Mrs. Kringle worried.

“I’m going to have to find this phony Santa and clear my name. I’m going to ready my sleigh.”

“Sorry dear but all of the reindeer went south for Spring Break. And the elves have returned to their villages until the next holiday season.”

“Silver bells! Looks like I’m going to have to hitch a ride on The Polar Express!” Kringle declared.

Kringle hurried to the station to catch the last train of the day. As he took his seat, Kringle couldn’t help but notice the sour expressions on the faces of his fellow passengers. Kringle spent the rest of the train trip looking out the window in order to avoid the angry faces staring back at him.
“Where is this train heading by the way?” Kringle inquired only to be met by awkward silence.

“Next stop Pottersville!” the conductor called out.

“Pottersville? Who do I know in Pottersville? Oh, now I remember” Kringle smiled.

Kringle stepped off the train and immediately made his way downtown.
“Ahh, yes, there his office. Former elf turned highly successful dentist, Dr. Hermies. Now how do I get inside the building without having anyone see me?”

Kringle climbed atop the roof but was unable to find a chimney. He lost his balance and ended up tumbling into a bunch of garbage cans.

“What’s all the racket out there? Santa? Is that you?” a shocked Dr. Hermies asked.

“Help me up and I’ll tell you why I’m here.”

“Obviously you’ve seen that video on TV today?”

“I don’t believe a word of it. I could tell right away that it wasn’t you.”

“Who could it be? I don’t have any enemies. Everybody loves Santa.”

“Maybe not everyone” Hermies frowned. “Do you remember Buddy? Tall guy, kinda looks like Will Ferrell?”

“Oh sure. What a creep! His heart was never filled with Christmas cheer. He didn’t like kids or toys so I had to let him go. But that was 5 years ago.“

“Apparently he’s still holding a grudge and wants to end Christmas forever.”

“Using my Santa powers, I’ve been able to track Buddy down to The South Pole. It’s time for a road trip!”

“Um, for starters, it would take days to get there. And I still have a waiting room full of patients. I can’t just get up and….”

Using some of his Christmas magic, Kringle teleported the pair into Hermies’ Cadillac and onto the open road.

“Looks like I’m going on yet another adventure” Hermies sighed.

“That’s the spirit!  I’m Santa Claus and I work miracles. Trust me, we’ll be there in no time…uh oh!”

“Gee whiz! I got a flat tire. Gonna have to pull over at the next town” Hermies grumbled.

“Could this small town be more perfect? The breeze is so gentle while songbirds sing such beautiful Melodies. Love is in the air. And look at all of the lovely people. Oh no! Now I know why this all seems so familiar and comforting. We’re trapped in a Hallmark Christmas movie!”

“Yeah, so?” Hermies shrugged 

“Just listen for yourself” Kringle warned as The Narrator began promoting the sugary plot of the next movie.

“They were high school sweethearts who went their separate ways as adults. Now hunky stock broker Montana Storm returns to his tiny home town. One fine day he runs into his former flame, Dakota Rayne, a sweet librarian looking for someone special to spend the holidays with in THE BOOK OF LOVE.”

“Ugh! We gotta get out of here!” Kringle hollered.

“That story sounds beautiful” Hermies swooned.

“Nothing is this perfect. There has to be a catch” Kringle warned.

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll find love here in Cupid’s Cove.”

“No Hermies! It’s a trap!”

But it was too late. Dr. Hermies had become smitten with one of the locals. He immediately fell under her spell as he had stars in his eyes. Hermies was so head over heels for his new crush that he didn’t realize that she was actually a goblin. The rest of the beautiful people revealed their true selves devolving into hideous beings. They soon turned their eerie, yellow eyes towards Kringle. He jumped into Hermies’ car forgetting that it had a flat tire. Kringle was surrounded by the goblins who rocked the car back and forth. It would take a miracle to save ‘Ol Saint Nick from this ghastly gathering.

“Rudolph! Where did you come from?”

“Mrs. Kringle was worried that she hadn’t heard from you so she asked me to find you.”

“I’m sure glad she did. Thank you my friend. Rudolph with your nose so bright would you take me to The South Pole?”

“Anything for you big guy. Alright, hold on, I’m about to kick it into turbo reindeer gear!”

Kringle was used to guiding his reindeer at a gentle pace but this time he had nothing to hold onto. He slipped off Rudolph’s back, plummeting to the ground way down below. Luckily for him he landed in a massive snow bank that broke his fall.

Kringle stumbled out of the snow pile feeling a little dazed. Suddenly he was surrounded by a group of penguins.
“Destination please” one of the penguins inquired.

“Uh, Secret South Pole Lair I guess” Kringle stammered.

“Ticket please” the penguin asked. All Kringle had was the stub from his Polar Express trip.

“How about this?” he said as he handed it to the penguin.

“One moment Sir” the penguin announced before she waddled over to talk to the manager. “You’re all set. The crew is ready when you are.”