Straighten Up and fly right

The Year: 2013

The Place: A unit in an educational setting where the youngest students begin their learning.

My Job: Assistant Principal reporting to The Commander on life on this interesting planet.

Their Job: To make me wonder...

Commander,

I am now compiling life on Lily in a diary for you, should I not survive. Today's events in the parallel universe of Lily were consistent with my experience to date.

It has been tough out here. We are in our 4th week of the new year of education.

I have ordered 'Mission Flourish' to be aborted. 'Mission Survival' is our status.

Onwards and upwards...

Photograph Day

Commander,

I have returned to my home from that universe known as 'Parallel Lily'.

Today I witnessed humans tortured by a photographic camera. I watched young ones reduced to tears as they stood in front of a blue hanging sheet.

I've also been to a field to retrieve a wayward one. I warned the wayward one of the sheep as he ran in socked feet through the sour sobs. I stood in the rain awaiting the wayward one's return. The return did not eventuate. I spoke with the law, more commonly called the police, who assisted in reminding the wayward one that standing in rain whilst in a paddock and wearing socks, was not clever.

I am ready for the impending weekend. I will refresh my spirit. I fear the coming weeks have more in store for me. Onwards and Upwards.

It is Still Early in the Year

Commander,

The world of Lily didn't let me down today. It seemed some of the shorter inhabitants needed line walking practice. They received it. Twice.

One very short escapee was foiled inches from his front yard. It is a good thing to foil them.

One small inhabitant spent a day with me for reasons unknown to anyone at all. I made things called phone calls to answering machines and ate lunch at 3pm. I disembarked 10 & 1/2 hours after embarkation. I have arrived safely home feeling tired but ready to reach torque speed tomorrow.

Onwards and upwards.

Set course for 0600.

Learning is S L O W

Commander, today I made a new discovery. 

The parallel universe of Lily could loosely be described as 'spinning out of control.' Embarking on a course unchartered. 

I briefly visited another planet in the galaxy. Blackwood. In Blackwood small beings sat in rows listening to other small beings. I observed order. This I have not observed in Lily.

In Lily it seems sitting is deemed abhorrent. It rarely occurs. Listening is a concept yet to be established.

This mission has left me exhausted yet exhilarated. 

Onwards and upwards...

Fancy Dress

Commander,

Parallel Universe Lily has been vacated. It will remain that way for 2 weeks.

There was evidence of madness today as the smaller inhabitants took to wearing superhero costumes and in doing so, TRULY believed they could conquer, arrest, maraud and take control. They were deemed deluded and an order was put in place stating they must take a holiday.

The order took effect at 2pm. They appeared to abandon Lily with a degree of glee. I do believe my glee is far greater than theirs. I too have the privilege of a holiday. Normal duties will return all to soon. Onwards and upwards...

The EGG Ordeal

Commander, Planet Lily was surreal today. It appeared to be functioning as well as the other nearby planets. From the outside all seemed calm. Inside however, there was a serious issue. A small inhabitant became attached to an egg. No matter how hard I tried to extract the egg from his hand, or how many times I counted to 5, the egg remained the possession of the small one. It was not his egg. The egg was laid by the planetary system's chook and therefore rightly belonged to the catering department. The small one disagreed. He disagreed with might.

He ran with the egg and left our orbit for a moment before being re-entered and escorted to my place of observation. There the egg was redeemed.

The small inhabitant cried but the egg was saved. 

There was one other strange observation I have recorded. A young male inhabitant is finding the word 'penis' amusing and to repeat it, hilarious. He has 2 days to rectify this disorder. Whilst on leave I shall search for a cure for him. I do not believe pepper or mustard for the tongue can be administered on Lily. 

Onwards and upwards.

Penis

Mid Year

Commander, I have a Lily update. It rained. Puddles surrounded Lily and the outlying planets. Deep puddles that were very tempting to the youngest inhabitants. One young inhabitant took to the swale that was brimming with rain water.

He sat in it, he jumped and he splashed in it, until his trousers were so sodden they would no longer remain up. His shoes became lead heavy and the arms of his jacket, dripping. His ears did not hear the pleas of the 2nd in charge to GET OUT!

GET OUT!!

There was talk of using EDSAS (the machine that sends young ones home)to give the young inhabitant a break. The young one did not want EDSAS to be used. As he staggered back to the confines of Lily with his trousers drooping down towards his knees and his bare bottom beginning to be on display for all to see, he cried. He said he did not want to be 'pended by EDSAS. 'Pended is the name given to the paperwork from EDSAS. He was not 'pended, instead given an early half a day. I hope it does not rain any more.

I have witnessed the chaos. It is not pretty.

Onward and upward

Levitation

Commander, 

A brief Lily update. After all the time I have spent in the parallel universe known as Lily I have never seen the small inhabitants levitate. Today I do believe I witnessed levitation. In front of my eyes I noticed a very small male inhabitant take flight. He chose levitation as a new way of navigating himself around the learning space in which he spends his days. As he is so young and still learning to prefect levitation he used some furniture to assist him.

He propelled himself at great speed through the air from his starting point, landing safely on furniture closer to his destination. He did this over and over making each leap a little further, a little higher and a little faster. In no time at all he seemed to experience a feeling of accomplishment. He had practised enough. Without injury, he decided to revert to the more common mode of indoor transport known as floor walking. Each day brings another surprise.

Onward and upward.