Something felt off about today. I woke up but everything seemed normal. The sun shining bright as usual. The birds chirping as if there was no tomorrow. My mother was downstairs making breakfast for my younger siblings and herself. Then it hit me. I was pregnant. Yet I’m still shaken by it. Sometimes I wish I could make my decisions all on my own. But, everyone thinks that I’m not mature enough. I’m seventeen years old not five, I've lived for seventeen years knowing what I want. And I know I do not want to keep this baby.

It is disappointing that my mother thinks she should still make decisions for me. Then again maybe she is right. Aborting this baby is just as bad as putting it up for adoption. Especially when I know I could give them a better life. I think I’m only afraid because I’m black. I’m not just a pregnant teenage girl. I’m also a statistic for the news to talk about and I can also die during my pregnancy. There is a 241% chance I could die. What if I begin to die when giving birth to my child. I’m so afraid of dying.

But, I was raised to not fear anything. So maybe just maybe. I will not abort nor put our child up for adoption. Then my phone began to ring. It was from Carlos. Before I could put my phone up to my ear he says “Hey Iyana,  are you okay? You blew up on me last night. I’m sorry. Don’t leave. It was my fault. I know I can’t make you make a decision you don’t want to make.” I told him to stop talking.” Carlos. Shut up you know I can’t leave you. I love you way too much. When it all comes crashing down   still need you.” Then he said “God, I love you so much. We’re going to get through this together.”

But in the back in my mind, I really wanted to say. “I hope you don’t get stuck in traffic until the day our future son or daughter gets drafted into the NBA.” Then again he would get the joke. We always joked about both of our fathers leaving our lives. And we joked about how we still turned out better without our fathers. Then he says “Iyana? You still there?”.

I said back “Yes boo, I’m sorry. I was thinking about stupid dad jokes you know.” Carlos said back “Oh god you better not expect me to be like our trash deadbeat fathers. I could never be that”. I knew he would not leave. He is a man of his word. “Can I come over Iyana?”. “Yes, of course, you can. You know my mom loves you.” I replied.

Twenty-five minutes go by and Carlos does not show up. I start to get a bit worried because we only live five minutes away from each other. Then I heard a knock at the door. It was Carlos, I hugged him and cried in his arms. Then he asked “Why are you crying? Look come here I just went to buy you some stuff.” I replied, “I don’t even know. I just didn’t know where you were. You’re normally here fast. But this time you took forever.” Carlos then wiped away my tears and kissed my forehead. “You need to stop worrying”. I nodded and sniffled as I walked with him to his car.

Then that is when my jaw dropped. He bought me some clothes and candies. Then he handed me an envelope. It was bulky and heavy. I opened it and there were twelve thousand dollars in it. Surprisingly I didn’t look at it too much first. I read the card first. It stated “Iyana I have loved you since the day I met you in kindergarten. I always told myself growing up that you would be the woman I would start a family with. You were made for me. Every morning I would roll out bed and thank god for you. You my dear, you mean the world to me. I would die for you if I ever had to. Give you any bone in my body or organ.

Just for you to live a happy life. You’re my universe.” As I read it I didn’t realize I was crying. Then I hugged him tight and cried even more. “I love you and I will always love you,” I said as I was crying in his arms. He began to cry too. It was funny. We haven’t cried like this since first grade. Now here we are in high school, crying once again in each arm v.

We grabbed the stuff he had bought for me and bought it inside my house. My mother and siblings welcomed him as they normally would. My mom was happy that I was pregnant she always said she missed having a baby around in the house.