Dedicated to Miss Coffman's First Period English Class

This book was created and published on StoryJumper™

Publish your own children's book:

www.storyjumper.com

When David was a little boy, he lived in a small

suburb outside of Raleigh, North Carolina with

his family of six kids. The family was just

barely making ends meet but David wanted to

be rich and famous. His dreams however, did

not work out...

From a very early

age, David was

looked as the

"weird kid" due to

his nervous tics

and his Tourettes.

He was most well

known for his

tendency to lick

classroom light

switches, which

had many teachers

schedule visits with

his mother to talk

about his problem.

Hear me, though,
for I shall bide my
time, quietly, and
with cunning,
striking back at
the very hour she
doth least expect it.

In high school, David got

the "Drama Bug", for a

couple of weeks while

rehearsing for a school

play. He spoke in an

accent, and with the

words of Shakespeare.

The drama bug quickly

went away when the

director took away his only

speaking part.

David's first hitchhiking experiences came when his drunk dad forgot to
pick him up from the movies.Soon, however, David became a hitchhiking pro. At one point he
hitchhiked from his home in North Carolina all the way to an apple
orchard in Oregon.

While working at the apple

orchard with his friend Veronica

and a team of illegally

immigrated Mexicans, David

forms a good relationship with

the owner of the property and is

promoted to the oh-so-coveted

trailer instead of the log houses

that the rest of the workers live

in.

Upon returning from Oregon, David found a painting job in

Chicago alongside a Jamaican man named Dupont working for a

woman named Uta. Unfortunately, Dupont did not work very

hard and had a habit of stealing money from both Uta and David.

And of course, I'm sure you are
wondering where the title of the
book comes from?

The final crazy experience that David had in his life was

a week-long visit to a nudist colony. David was hesitant

to even take his shirt off on the first day, but after a

couple games of naked bocce ball with the older

members of the group, he was completely

comfortable. Visiting the sauna and the

pool on a regular basis helped him to

befriend the fellow nudists at the colony. They all

agreed that clothes were not only uncomfortable, but

all together unnecessary. David experienced this

firsthand after the week was up and had to put his

clothes on to go to the airport. He was so used to being

naked that his clothes felt itchy.

So, there you have it. You've heard all
of the craziest parts of David Sedaris's
ACTUAL life. This non-fiction book
will give you a guaranteed good laugh.
I suggest it to anyone who wants an
enjoyable book to read, or if you have
to read 2 non-fiction books for a ninth
grade English class.

You've previewed 10 of 16 pages.

To read more:

Benefits:

Full access to our public library
Save favorite books
Interact with authors

READ