I have not been sleeping well the past few weeks. It all started during the holiday break as I got to stay up a little later and sleep in until 10 or 11 o’clock the next morning. But now that school was back I couldn’t adjust to waking up early again. I was so exhausted.

“Yikes! Dude, you look awful!”  ‘I know. I feel pooped all day long. I have no energy and I can’t concentrate most days. I even tried drinking some coffee this morning but it tasted yucky. You seem to be full of life today. What’s your secret Barnaby?” “I discovered a super-powerful drink that makes me feel as though I have rocket fuel flowing through my veins. It’s called FOZZ.” “Here, take a sip.” “Gee, I don’t know.” 

FOZZ was a power drink that was filled with nothing but sugar and lots of caffeine. Apparently all the biggest celebrities ans sports superstars drank it. And so anybody who wanted to be cool began drinking it at my school. Against my better judgement I decided to give in and try it.

I instantly spit out the energy drink. It tasted dirty socks. “How do you drink this stuff Barnaby? It’s so gross!” “Give it a chance Axl. You get used to it after a while. Plus you’re drinking it for the effect and not the taste.” I tried another sip and it was still disgusting. It tasted so bad that it made my eyes water. Yet, like a fool, I took yet another swig of FOZZ.

Eventually I began to acquire a taste for FOZZ. It still didn’t taste very good but I could feel a surge of energy crackling in my bones. Soon I would start drinking three or four bottles a day. Then Four bottles turned into ten. Sure I hadn’t slept or even blinked in a week but I loved the rush these drinks gave me. I had to have it! I needed it! I loved it! Why am I shouting???”

I’m not sure why I even set my alarm clock at night. It’s not like I was gonna get any sleep that night anyway. I used that extra time to do my homework or other assignments. Near the morning I began to feel a little tired. I had no access to FOZZ as my parents wouldn’t allow me to have it. So I walked downstairs and fixed myself some black coffee. My folks looked on in shock as I chugged an entire pot of piping hot coffee without any cream or sugar. “Ahhh!" I exclaimed as I wiped my mouth and sprinted out the front door.

I loved the surge of energy that the FOZZ drinks were giving me.  During gym class nobody could keep up with me on the soccer field or when I was running track.  My heart was starting to beat a little too fast from all the caffeine I was drinking but it was worth it. One day I was in the mood for Chinese food so I decided to pick some up for the entire class. I went to Shanghai and back in less than 30 minutes.

The more energy drinks I consumed, the more restless I became. I found myself unable to sit still or concentrate. At home or at school. When I was in class I continuously squirmed in my seat and started having all sorts of nervous and often involuntary ticks and tremors. My grades started to slip as I could no longer focus on my studies. I was too jittery to even hold  pencil. “Mr. Stubbs, it’s your turn to present” Mr. Faye called out. Presentation? Today? Gulp!

GRADE 8 GEOGRAPHY

MR. FAYE  

"I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse"

("I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from Gilbert & Sullivan's  comic opera, The Pirates of Penzance, 1879)

“Mr. Stubbs, that was a stirring rendition of 'The Major-General's Song'  but what does any of that have to do with Canadian geography? Mr. Stubbs? Are you alright?”  My heart was racing like a Jack rabbit. It was beating so fast that I actually thought it was gonna pop out of my chest. The entire room became unbearably bright as my head started to pound. Before Mr. Faye could tend to me I was blasted through the roof of the classroom.

I felt like I had been shot out of a cannon as I had no control over my body. I was soaring through the sky with warp speed with no way of stopping. What’s that sound? It’s a group of fighter jets. They’re probably here to save me. “We have the target in our sights. Launching misses in 3, 2, 1......fire!” One of the pilots commanded.

“Whew! I barely dodged those missiles.  What is gong on? And where am I going? I just keep blasting up higher and higher.” “Slow down ya maniac!” “Sorry Sir. Wait a second, did I just pass a Martian in a flying saucer? How did I end up in outer space?  Whoa! Off I go again!