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Story the First

A pineapple just devoured my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son while he was taking a bath in a toilet with an iPhone 12 Max and a toaster! His charred remains were found outside a trashcan in New York City last June, and no one knows how he got there, but they ran an autopsy, which said that he was simultaneously blown up by the toaster and eaten by a pineapple. Further investigation proved that the pineapple had rabies, and that my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son was transmitted the disease. Next thing we knew we were at the funeral, which took place at a McDonalds. Everyone was distraught, but they got sadder whenever a Karen came and started yelling at the cashier, who was my great, great, great, great, grandfather's pet bacon. Aunt
Maurie got angry, and began to beat the Karen senseless with the lead pipe she always stored inside her left nostril. The police came, but whenever they saw that the person getting attacked was a Karen, they left immediately.
Many days later in the hospital, the Karen got mad that the police ignored her pain and existence, so she decided to sue the federal government. The governor didn’t like that, so he snuck into the hospital and murdered the Karen in her sleep with a piece of styrofoam, which he stealthily hid in his small intestine. Little did he know, the Karen had threatened to sue the natural order many years earlier; to avoid going to court, the Penguin King gave her infinite life. The Karen didn’t like getting killed, so she bored the governor to death with a blog of Rwandan politics, all of
which was fake. She then went to see the Penguin King to thank him for making her immortal, but he stabbed her with the Almighty Blender, killing her immediately.
The Penguin King felt bad about the Karen yelling at my great, great, great, great, grandfather's pet bacon, so he granted rebirth to my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son. Everyone held a celebration party at the KFC across the street from the street. While eating a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken, my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son remembered he had rabies, and he bit Uncle Yort on the uvula. Aunt Maurie got angry and began to beat my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son senseless with the lead pipe she always stored inside
her left nostril. My great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son’s mother got mad, and she began to shoot up the KFC with a fried banana, killing everyone but me and the chin hair on Uncle Yort’s arm.
The chin hair on Uncle Yort’s arm got very sad, and became a god-like invincible sack of potatoes. He teleported the KFC into a metaphysical point in space-time, where a giant, evil butterfly ate the chin hair on Uncle Yort’s arm. I was alone, so I became a pineapple and drifted towards the movie theater’s exit and into the world of purple streetlights and tree-shaped avocadoes. I met my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son in the world of purple streetlights and tree-shaped avocadoes, and he remembered getting bitten by a pineapple with
rabies, and he hit me with my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son’s mother’s lead pipe that she always kept stored in her left nostril. I was overcome with ouch, and I turned into my great, great, great, great, grandfather's pet bacon. My great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son was confused, so he imploded into a point so dense it created a black hole. My Aunt Maurie got consumed by the black hole, but not before the Karen’s ghost ate her nose with a walking stick.
The Penguin King came to the rescue, and threw me into the black hole that used to be my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son. I was still my great, great, great, great, grandfather’s pet bacon, so I was not harmed. The
black hole that used to be my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son was harmed, though, and he became a microwave. A bucket of popcorn threw a metal fork in the microwave that used to be a black hole that used to be my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son, and the microwave that used to be a black hole that used to be my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son exploded.
The Penguin King was proud of me and the popcorn bucket’s bravery, so he combined all three of us into the ultimate Penguin God. As the Penguin God, we went to find my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son’s mother so we could apologize about blowing up her son. She did not take this
lightly, and beat us over the head with the lead pipe that she stored in her left nostril. The popcorn bucket lost his cool, and accidentally blew up the opposite hemisphere of the Earth. Me and the Penguin King decided that he was unfit to hold godly power, and we banished him to the fiery pits of elevator.
We suddenly realized that my wife’s brother’s uncle’s grandson’s evil pet snake was on the side of the Earth that got destroyed, and we went to go find him. We noticed him sitting on the tree that was shaped like Brazil, and we took him back to the previously undiscovered third moon of Mars.
At the previously undiscovered third moon of Mars, we found a factory where the orange trumpets were selling buttered chocolate. Be bought a crate of buttered chocolate for
37,233.93 Robux, and we teleported back to the core of UY Scuti, where the Penguin King had a dope vacation home. The vacation home had a Karen infestation, so we called an exterminator. The exterminator said he couldn’t get there for a few dozen nanoseconds, so we played tag by ourself until the Penguin King decided that it was hard sharing a form with me and I agreed, so we went our separate ways. We would miss each other, so the Penguin King gave me his invisible golf-club, and I gave him my upside-down semicolon that I’d stored in my back pocket since I left Malaysia in 1803.
When I got home my green dog named Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm attacked me with a portable particle accelerator. Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm, who used to
belong to my favorite uncle’s wife’s nephew, accidentally dropped the portable particle accelerator on his foot, and imploded the rock I’d left on my couch. The Ghost of Karen, who had temporarily possessed the rock, was very unhappy. Karen’s ghost started yelling at Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm, saying that he was a worthless employee and that she would get him fired for his stupidity. None of these insults applied to Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm, but he was very sad anyway. He was so sad that he turned into a fish and disappeared into thin air.
The Karen turned to me, and began to yell. I remembered that I had a carrot in my left kidney, though, and I blasted the Ghost of Karen into tiny, ectoplasmic pieces, which quickly morphed into tree-shaped avocados. I had never had a tree-shaped avocado
before, and I gobbled up the Ghost of Karen’s remains. It tasted delicious so I became a hydrogen bomb and fell on top of the previously undiscovered third moon of Mars.
I told the orange trumpets who worked at the buttered chocolate factory on the previously undiscovered third moon of Mars that they should make tree-shaped avocado flavored buttered chocolate. I tried to give them tree-shaped avocados to try, but my wife’s brother’s uncle’s grandson’s evil pet snake ate my hand. Then he ate the entire buttered chocolate factory on the previously undiscovered third moon of Mars.
I was distraught, so I began to stab my wife’s brother’s uncle’s grandson’s evil pet snake with the shredded cheese that I had eaten in the year prior. The trumpets also began attacking my
wife’s brother’s uncle’s grandson’s evil pet snake by throwing Radon down his ear. My wife’s brother’s uncle’s grandson’s evil pet snake didn’t want to die though, so he died.
The police force that was stationed on the previously undiscovered third moon of Mars arrived at the scene a little late. They had been stopped by a mean Space Karen, who had screamed at them for being mean and making her abide by the law. They asked what had happened, and the rare purple saxophone told them. They noticed my wife’s brother’s uncle’s grandson’s evil pet snake’s carcass, and realized that it was a danger to the community of the previously undiscovered third moon of Mars. They quickly disposed of it using a picture of a frog that was drawn by an apple.
The Space Karen was very aggravated, so the Space Karen called for a protest on her blog. Hundreds of other Space Karens, and a few demonic scutes, replied to the Space Karen’s page agreeing to meet on Proxima Centauri in a week for an armed peaceful protest.
Several weeks later, my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son, who was back from the great beyond once more for no reason except baked potato, was at my son’s uncle’s giraffe’s apartment complex with me playing video games. We were having fun, whenever we heard that some Space Karens were holding an armed peaceful protest in the Alpha Centauri solar system. This was horrible news, because Alpha Centauri was only a good 27 feet away from my son’s uncle’s
giraffe’s apartment complex. Me and my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son grabbed our portable Canada, and hopped onto my son’s uncle’s giraffe. We rode my son’s uncle’s giraffe to the Burger King, then we teleported the rest of the way to Proxima Centauri. By the time me and my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son arrived at the Space Karens’ armed peaceful protest, it had become a riot. The Space Karens were burning down the giant esophagus with an evil asparagus.
Me and my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son were scared of the Space Karen’s riot on Proxima Centauri, but we managed to pull out the bite-sized Russian blizzard that my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times
removed's third oldest son had gotten for President’s Day 5 years before President’s Day was created. My great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son used the bite-sized Russian blizzard to extinguish the flames on the giant esophagus, which got the Space Karen’s attention. They began to throw demonic scutes at me and my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son, but then my wife’s brother’s uncle’s grandson’s evil pet snake’s carcass, which had been disposed of by the police force stationed on the previously undiscovered third moon of Mars using a picture of a frog that was drawn by an apple, swooped down from Southern Germany and ate all of the demonic scutes and 73.692% of the Space Karens.
The destruction of so many Karens brought the governor that
the Karen, now the destroyed Ghost of Karen, had bored to death with a blog on Rwandan politics. The governor still had the small piece of styrofoam that he’d hidden in his small intestine, and he started beating all of the remaining Space Karens over the head with it. The Penguin King’s invisible golf club realized that me and my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son were in danger, so it became Karl Marx and destroyed the entire universe.
My suddenly reanimated green dog that used to belong to my favorite uncle’s wife’s nephew, Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm, reminded me that the Law of Conservation of Energy stated that energy could no be created or destroyed, so because we were the only things left in the world, we were godly powerhouses of
energy. I was happy, and went to hug Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm. Whenever I tried, though, he exploded into a burst of magical, cookie-flavored light. I was so sad that I’d destroyed my favorite uncle’s wife’s nephew’s green dog, that I created a toaster and made some tasty bread. Then I completely recreated the universe the way I wanted it, with flying fish, auto-saving Word documents, and satanic Pop-Tarts.
Now that I was the center of my new universe, I was lonely. I brought up the Penguin King, and asked if he wanted to co-run the entire universe with me. He did, and we were worshipped as gods from the Earth to the Eastern German countryside. Then the god of supreme and unlimited evil, who I’d made a Karen for obvious reasons, got jealous of our unlimited power. The Karen of
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Before you ask, yes I am okay.

Random Story the Story
Story the First

A pineapple just devoured my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son while he was taking a bath in a toilet with an iPhone 12 Max and a toaster! His charred remains were found outside a trashcan in New York City last June, and no one knows how he got there, but they ran an autopsy, which said that he was simultaneously blown up by the toaster and eaten by a pineapple. Further investigation proved that the pineapple had rabies, and that my great grandniece's second wife's 13 times removed's third oldest son was transmitted the disease. Next thing we knew we were at the funeral, which took place at a McDonalds. Everyone was distraught, but they got sadder whenever a Karen came and started yelling at the cashier, who was my great, great, great, great, grandfather's pet bacon. Aunt
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