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Just a short little story I wrote for a talent show...please tell me what you think in the comments! :D

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"A Downfall and A Defeat"

This is a short story I wrote for a talent show. I think his is one of my best stories so far, so I decided to post it on storyjumper! Please Comment!  
(14 pages)
Privacy level: PUBLIC
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brownlion962
Awesome story! Please write another one.
RobertSg3
Awesome story! Please write another one.
VikingHelga
How do you come up with these stories? Please keep writing.
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S Pilleys
YOU SHOULD MAKE A SECOND BOOK.
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Hannah F1
I’ve written a few new ones! Feel free to check them out
FireFoxash
I really enjoyed reading your book.
FireFoxash
Awesome story! Please write another one.
ColorfulAlpaca
I haven't finished it yet - I really like it so far though! How do you come up with your ideas?
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Hannah F1
I'm so glad you like it! I often think of ideas when I'm sitting outside in the morning. I begin thinking about all sorts of things in my life and even other stories I've read. Then I spill everything out on paper. XD
ColorfulAlpaca
... So that's why I'm not creative. I never spend more than 30 minutes outside... because of school... heh.. I should go outside more and then I'll hopefully think of a good story idea... Thanks! :)
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Hannah F1
Yes, I understand how you feel. I had to begin going to bed earlier so I could wake up and have time to relax. Just sit or walk outside, don't look at your phone. It takes practice.
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S Pilleys
IT WAS A REALLY GOOD BOOK. I ENJOYED IT
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