David Noyes, Osborne's Physical Education Teacher from 1989-2019, spent most mornings telling jokes as students entered the doors of the school. This is a small collection of the thousands of jokes he told throughout his years at Osborne Elementary.
Thanks for always making us laugh, Mr. Noyes.
The jokes found in this book were collected
from hundreds of tiny pieces of paper stored in a box in Mr. Noyes' office.
He would keep one in his track jacket pocket all day long just in case a child needed a good laugh to help get them through the day.
What happened to the sardine when it was late for work?
It was canned.
Why was Sir Lancelot tired all the time?
He worked the "Knight" shift.
What kind of car did the elephant drive?
One with a lot of trunk space.
Do you know where Moscow is?
In the barn beside Pa's Cow.
Did you hear about the skunk who couldn't swim?
It stank all the way to the bottom of the pool.
Why did the green ogre go to the psychiatrist?
He was a nervous Shrek.
How does a comedian like their jokes?
Funny side up.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a T-Rex?
A terrified mailman!
What happened to the boy who drank 8 cans of Coke?
He burped 7-up.
What is a musician's favorite cereal?
Flute Loops
Why do boogers have a hard time in a restaurant?
Picky eaters.
How does the barber cut the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.
How are opera singers and sailors alike?
They can both handle the high seas (C's)
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Why did the student ask their dad to come to school?
To take a "pop" quiz.
When should you charge your electric toothbrush?
When you can't pay cash.
Why couldn't the duck get a medical degree?
He was a quack.
What is a shopaholic's favorite subject in school?
Buy-ology.
Why don't robots ever panic?
They have nerves of steel.
Why did the tennis coach give his team a lighter?
They kept losing their matches.
How do you get a paper baby?
Marry an old bag.
What did one virus say to the other?
I think I have penicillin.
What did the alien say to the garden?
Take me to your weeder.
What has two very big claws and is very messy?
A slobster.
Why did Mrs. Grape leave Mr. Grape?
She was tired of raisin kids.
Have you heard the one about the rocket?
It's out of sight.
What did the terminator say when he auditioned for a part in the play about a famous composer?
I'll be Bach.
Why did the partridge and the pheasant dress up like clowns?
They were game for a laugh.
Why did the referee call time-out at the zombie
hockey game?
There was a face-off at center ice.
Why did the hair take acting lessons?
To get a good part.
Why did the captain fire the sailors?
The captain wanted a crew-cut.
Why wasn't the turkey hungry
on Thanksgiving?
He was stuffed.
What is the webmasters favorite Christmas hymn?
Oh .com all ye faithful.
Why did the farmer bury money in his garden?
He wanted to make the soil rich.
What do you get when you cross...
... a baseball player with a boy scout?
Someone who can pitch a tent.
... a mouth and a tornado?
A tongue twister.
... a vampire and a teacher?
blood tests.
... an english teacher and a track team?
A run-on sentence.
... the alphabet and a top?
Dizzy spells.
... english class and the cafeteria?
Alphabet soup.
What do you call a snake that wears dark glasses and a trench coach?
A spython.
Why did the flower go to the doctor?
High bud pressure.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Why didn't the little boy use tooth paste?
His teeth weren't loose.
What did the doctor do with the patient that fell like a deck of cards?
He dealt with him later.
What do you call a man who works in a perfume shop during Christmas?
Frank in Scents.
Why did the baker work so hard?
He kneaded dough.
How many p's are in a pint?
Just one.
Why do people always get mad at vampires?
Because they're such a pain in the neck.
What's worse than being a 300lb witch?
Being her broom.
Why are haunted houses so dark?
The ghosts scare the daylight out of it.
Why don't witches get mad when they ride their brooms?
They're afraid they'll fly off the handle.
Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
Only if your aim is good enough.
What did the frog say at the party?
Time's fun when you're having flies!
What's more annoying than a roaring river?
A babbling brook.
What is the book series about the 2 joking brothers that solve mysteries?
The Hardy Har Har Boys.
What gives milk but only has one horn?
A milk truck.
What did the king and queen of hearts do for their daughters birthday?
They made her a card.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets angry when he doesn't win?
A dino-saur loser.
Why did the snake stop arguing?
He didn't have a leg to stand on.
Why does lightning shock people?
It doesn't know how to conduct itself.
What happened to the writer who was arrested?
He was printed and booked.
How do chicks get out of their shell?
Through the eggs-it.
What do you call a failed lion tamer?
Lunch.
Why did the drama club teacher quit?
The kids couldn't get their act together.
Why did the giant go to school?
He wanted to be the big man on campus.
Why did the nose leave school?
Everyone was picking on it.
Why did the lettuce study so hard at school?
To get a head.
How do you find King Arthur in the dark?
Use a knight light.
What do you call a chicken with a bad sunburn?
Fried Chicken
Why does a humming bird hum?
It forgot the words.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a bottle of shampoo?
A Shampoodle.
How do you know the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
Why don't vampires like mosquitoes?
Too much competition.
Why couldn't batman go fishing?
Robin ate the worms.
What is a ghosts favorite kind of road?
A dead end.
What do you call a pig that won the lottery?
Filthy rich.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
What kind of car does a cow drive?
Cattlelac
How did the magician cut the sea in half?
Sea saw.
What's the difference between 1 yard and 2 yard?
A fence.
How do you stop a herd of charging elephants?
Take away their credit cards.
What kind of school does Sherlock Holmes attend?
Elementary my dear Watson, elementary.
What kind of suit would you wear to a mermaid's wedding?
A wet suit.
Why did the bird watcher study his throat?
So he could see a few swallow.
What side of a shark do you want to stay away from?
The inside.
Why did the doctor operate on the book?
To remove it's appendix.
What does a nervous carpenter do?
Bites his nails.
What's the laziest part of a car?
The wheels. They're always tired.
Why is a moon rock tastier than a meatball?
It's a little meteor.
What did the laundry man say to the impatient customer?
Keep your shirt on.
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David Noyes, Osborne's Physical Education Teacher from 1989-2019, spent most mornings telling jokes as students entered the doors of the school. This is a small collection of the thousands of jokes he told throughout his years at Osborne Elementary.
Thanks for always making us laugh, Mr. Noyes.
The jokes found in this book were collected
from hundreds of tiny pieces of paper stored in a box in Mr. Noyes' office.
He would keep one in his track jacket pocket all day long just in case a child needed a good laugh to help get them through the day.
What happened to the sardine when it was late for work?
It was canned.
Why was Sir Lancelot tired all the time?
He worked the "Knight" shift.
What kind of car did the elephant drive?
One with a lot of trunk space.
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